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Will You Be Damned For Going Dutch?

November 4, 2014 |

We put a lot of effort into finding the most appropriate matches for our clients here at Intro. After you contact us, we take the time to get to know you and what you’re looking for in a partner. We determine a perfect match for you and set you up for a first date. The matches we select are the ones we feel are the most likely to succeed! There’s one item we are sometimes quizzed about – who pays for the nibbles and drinks on that evening out? Even in the 21st century, we still ask ourselves, who is paying for the date? Read on and tell us what you think in our little poll at the foot of the article

Paying For The Date – An Unlikely Source of Anxiety

Who ends up paying for the date causes more anxiety than most people realise. We know, because you tell us that. It’s not parsimony that drives this concern. It’s usually more about wanting to get the etiquette just right and that, in our view, is a very commendable motivation. Unfortunately, there is no stock answer to this chestnut. It often belongs to the same family of puzzles that include, ‘should I hold to door, or is old-fashioned chivalry considered insulting these days?’ Some people like to follow hard-and-fast rules for solving this little pickle. Here are just a few of them.

Who Asked Who

Somebody has to ask somebody else for a date to occur in most circumstances. If you braved it by asking them out, then consider paying for the date as well. Let’s take away the gender debate and merely focus on the asker taking care of the bill. An easy way to approach this is, “It’s our first date and since I asked, I’d like to take care of the costs. Is that okay?”

Of course, some would argue strongly that this implies that the guy is paying, since, according to some sources, and despite any apparent evolution of the gender roles, it is still the guy’s responsibility to ask the woman out. This isn’t necessarily our view, but it is a commonly held opinion. Here’s an excellent article on that very subject.

Go Dutch

Thanks to the dazzling development of sophisticated and portable point of sale machines and debit/credit cards, there’s no need to haggle over who should pay for the date. Simply inform your server that you’re going to split the bill, or do it right at the end of your meal. You can each receive your share of the costs, pay how you please, and move on with your date. You don’t need to feel guilty about that extra glass of wine if you’re paying for it yourself! A simple way to address this is at the start stating in a friendly manner, “Let’s keep it simple and split our costs both ways tonight!” Ironically, one mooted etymology of the term ‘going dutch’ identifies its origin to the gambling world. Yet, we think it’s a really low risk strategy when it comes to paying for the date!

Dating Bank

Once you’ve been dating for a bit, we strongly suggest creating a dating bank. Not only does this make the finances easier, but it also ensures that you keep the focus on dating and not on who should be paying for the date. We know too many long term couples that forget about still having fun, going out, and actively dating. A dating bank is simple. You determine an amount that you can both afford, put it into an actual bank, jar, etc., and then ensure that you spend that amount each week or month on a fun dating adventure. It’s related somewhat to the ‘date night’ concept and is becoming a new trend for couples who have graduated from those first flushes of their early dating period.

In the 21st century, our lives are often simplified due to technology. One area yet to be tackled is who should be paying for the date. Intro likes to offer different solutions that are personalized to the individual client. For some, they may decide that the asker of the first date should be. Others may determine that going dutch is where it’s at. Finally, we think a fun idea is creating a dating bank. Tell us what you think in our little poll below.

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