“If the pub don’t fit…” – Don’t stand for the bar ‘stand-off’ any more says Intro’s Rena

October 17, 2013 |

Dating in Ireland – if the pub ‘stand-off’ doesn’t fit your idea of a great dating opportunity in 2013 you don’t have to stand it says Intro’s Rena!…

“Being the owner of a match-making agency, I hear clients recounting dating disasters every day. Some of the more familiar complaints include how dishonest people are when they online date, farcical speed-dating events where women outnumber men 50 to 1, and perhaps the most common of all… the dreaded pub stand off where attempting to engage with someone new can all too often be mistaken for a declaration of war!

Whatever happened to the slow set where a guy would just ask you to dance (or sidle over to you and nudge you in the general direction of the dance floor)? The days of the good old fashioned snog at the end of a night of gawping at each other across a crowded room seem to be but a distant memory when dating seemed so easy. Women ask me constantly why men no longer have the nerve to chat them up while confident men tell me they find it impossible to meet the right woman in bars and clubs. I used to ask myself why that confident, attractive guy waited to come to a matchmaker to be introduced to that same attractive lady that he’s been wilfully ignoring down the pub.

I’ve been carefully observing the nature of men and women in social circumstances to try and get an explanation for what can only be seen as a monumental change in “pulling” etiquette (or lack thereof) that has come about in the last 2 decades.

Sitting in a packed, trendy bar on a Friday night in Dublin City, I observed guys wondering who they would approach and the answer was…. hardly anyone. In this bar, as in most, there was a distinct lack of sexual tension-that tension that used to exist 15yrs ago in every packed pub around Ireland-a tension that was taut with the possibility of action and excitement. There was no loud, high-pitched laughter designed to attract the men who were just aching for an invite to strut over confidently for a chat. Instead there was an atmosphere of latent hostility, people huddling around in their own groups or eyeing strangers with suspicion rather than inviting curious new companions.

On the odd occasion I did spot some young guys, wet behind the ears and eager to please, amble over to try out their best lines. Unfortunately the women these guys chose were time and time again the only women that were paying not a blind bit of attention to them. I watched as these guys spat out their carefully chosen openers to faces that glared, unimpressed at the intrusion. I didn’t hear what the women said but I could guess by the broken countenance of the retreating hopefuls that it wasn’t – “grab your coat, you’ve pulled”! I watched a little more closely and realised that of all the women standing around, looking beautiful, hopeful and above all approachable, were being completely ignored!

On the other side of the bar we see women with enough confidence to catch the attention of an attractive man. They head on over to the object of their interest, strike up a conversation and all seems to be going well. The male is at first flattered but then something inside, something archaic and beastly makes him shudder as he realises he hasn’t done the chasing – God forbid. All of a sudden, the flattery fades and is replaced by that shrinking feeling of emasculation. All this brave lady will likely get for her troubles is a kiss goodnight – goodnight to a good evening that is!

When we go out into the world dressed up to the nines and looking a million dollars, we are in truth at our most vulnerable and that’s true for both women and men. So, I’d ask you all – ladies and gents – how many times could your ego take that manner of a beating before you’d throw in the towel and devote yourself to propping up the bar?!

Until men stop wanting what they can’t have and women understand how an insult can damage a person’s confidence irreparably, the pub scene will always be an intimidating place for most modern singles. Luckily, honest and open dating alternatives like Intro will always be here to help.

Stop counting those bad dates and make your next date really count.”